


fire for a heart (not scared of the dark)

by iPhone



Series: now i see daylight [3]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Friendship, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22668151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iPhone/pseuds/iPhone
Summary: High School AU: Beca learns Chloe has had her first kiss, which throws a wrench into the whole 'having feelings for her best friend' thing.
Relationships: Chloe Beale & Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Series: now i see daylight [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625614
Comments: 36
Kudos: 218





	fire for a heart (not scared of the dark)

**Author's Note:**

> another segment, another point of time in this universe. currently i also have:  
> \- first time they meet when they're five years old  
> \- first kiss with each other  
> \- first date  
> \- more in the future years when they're both adults

**MONTH: June/July**

**AGE: 15**

* * *

Gradual, like the longest crescendo.

That’s what it feels like, realizing that she has feelings for her best friend.

Gradual, like the longest note and the agonizing anticipation in waiting for the maestro to say she can finally stop.

Or anticipation in another form: like waiting at the starting line for the first “go”—endless track ahead of her and endless possibility but in reality there are only two: win or lose. Win or go home.

Beca frowns as she continues shredding her napkin, watching the way Chloe and Tom smile at each other at the adjacent table. It is a hot summer day and Beca just happens to be at the only ice cream parlor in town, sitting right by Chloe and her new boyfriend, both of them looking incredibly happy and pleased with their shared sundae.

Beca sighs.

 _Boyfriend_ is a fairly new concept for all of them. It's like everybody in their year is _obsessed_ with the thought of having their first kiss, first boyfriend, first big name crush.

It's hard to even think about going back to school.

Of course, Chloe Beale would be one of the first among them to get a boyfriend. From their freshman year alone, she already had most of the school at her feet by virtue of being endlessly kind and impossibly charming, all tied up in how genuine she is as a person.

It wasn’t hard to anticipate that Chloe would be on everybody’s radar for a multitude of reasons, but Beca kind of just thought they’d have more…

She watches Tom reach out to put a hand around Chloe’s back, gently coaxing her closer to where he sits on the bench.

It makes nausea rise up inside of her quickly, so she forces herself to look away.

She doesn’t even want ice cream.

* * *

There’s a part of Beca that just aches with pain at the thought of Chloe dating Tom. It’s just a stupid, fleeting crush, she’s sure. She has no right being so possessive over her best friend—not when Chloe is so incredibly happy it appears.

 **Chloe  
** _You keep skipping out on hanging out with me and Tom!  
_ _I’ll make sure you do, Beca Mitchell. He’s a really nice  
_ _guy and I want you two to be friends. <3_

That last text received from Chloe continues to go unanswered. Beca has no idea what Chloe expects her to say.

 _So happy you’re replacing me_ , Beca thinks snidely. That’s definitely an option.

Sighing, Beca knows she’s being unfair. Having these stupid feelings for Chloe means nothing—at least not since Chloe has no idea in the slightest. It’s unfair to expect Chloe to know exactly what goes on in her mind at any given moment.

 _But you used to be so good at knowing all the words I couldn’t say_ , Beca thinks to herself sadly.

Not knowing what to do, Beca flips to her calendar app.

_**1 Reminder: 2 days away—track practice/try-outs**._

At least something to keep her mind occupied.

* * *

Track ended up being something she really enjoyed as a freshman. It ended being an unexpected extracurricular, oddly complementary to Chloe’s penchant at soccer. Beca could never be _that_ coordinated, but running long distance? She ends up taking a liking to that.

She had been so shy about it the first time she told Chloe about how much she enjoyed track. More than she expected, really. Sweet, patient Chloe who hadn’t even batted an eye when Beca cracked a million jokes at her own expense about running from her own problems. Careful, loving Chloe who had simply reached out to hold Beca’s hand sending a (then-unrecognizable) thrill through Beca’s body.

“I think that’s amazing, Bec,” Chloe had said so sincerely and honestly that Beca could do nothing more than stare at her with appreciation and gratitude. “It’s perfect for you.”

So even if track is something she enjoys and keeps her grounded, she knows that Chloe Beale has her hand in it, like a reminder of the fate that hopes to keep them together.

* * *

She finally ends up running into Chloe one pleasant June morning—quite literally running into Chloe right outside their respective homes.

Chloe’s hands come up to catch Beca around the waist before Beca can completely faceplant into the ground when she whirls messily upon stumbling into Chloe’s body which had been running in the opposite direction.

“Beca!” Chloe explains once she sees Beca’s face properly. “God, I’m so sorry, I should be more careful.” She removes her earbuds, smiling at Beca with a touch of hesitation. “You—are you okay?”

Beca heaves a breath that she doesn’t necessarily need to take. “Yeah,” she acknowledges. It’s good seeing Chloe again, that much she can admit. “I—sorry,” she says quickly without expanding.

 _Sorry for completely ghosting you_. _It’s just hard, realizing how into you I am._

“It’s fine,” Chloe says quickly. She nods at her house. “Want to...come in for breakfast or something?”

Beca tries to tamp down her smile. _Tries_. “Did you cook it or did your mom?”

Chloe scoffs and simply wraps a hand around Beca’s hand and tugs her gently. “Shut up, nerd.”

It is when they are finally seated at Chloe’s counter that Beca becomes more self-conscious of how red-faced and sweaty she must be. Chloe looks flushed as well, but somehow still manages to have every single hair attractively in place. Beca wonders if her own hair is akin to a rats nest.

“I don’t get it,” Chloe complains suddenly as she puts a glass of water in front of Beca. “How do you always manage to still look put together after your runs. Stupid long-distance stamina.”

Beca can’t even hide her smile then, not even if she tried. She knows Chloe is trying to bridge the odd gap that has suddenly appeared between them over the past couple of weeks, which she appreciates. It’s just...kind of difficult grappling with her own confusing feelings while Chloe continues to be the best friend Beca has known all her life. “You run too,” Beca points out, going for normalcy. “You look good too,” she mutters quickly, looking pointedly down at the counter for fear of staring too long.

Chloe makes a small noise of acknowledgement but says nothing more. The silence is oddly perturbing, especially when Beca realizes that Chloe isn’t preparing any of the promised breakfast. “Are you—” she begins to ask.

“Tom kissed me,” Chloe blurts out. “We kissed, I mean. For the first time.” Beca sucks in an involuntary breath and drags her eyes up to Chloe’s face immediately.

“You kissed,” she repeats.

“Yeah,” Chloe replies, quickly drawing her lower lip between her teeth nervously. Chloe's nervousness, while rare, is even more peculiar considering that her nerves are directed at Beca.

It makes her stomach twist oddly and uncomfortably.

“Oh,” Beca says quietly when she realizes that's all she can muster. “That’s, um…” Chloe continues to stare at her with hope and anticipation. Beca assumes the flush that is slowly spreading across Chloe’s cheeks again has nothing to do with the summer heat or exercise. “That’s amazing,” Beca says quietly, trying to convey sincerity with only her eyes.

A flash of something rushes across Chloe’s face, but it disappears just as quickly. Chloe circles the counter and stands in front of Beca, pulling her hands towards her. “Is it?” Chloe asks.

It’s not quite what Beca is expecting. “I…” she swallows and unbidden, another fantasy passes through her mind’s eye.

_I wish I could be the one to kiss you._

“It is,” Beca says quickly, biting past the hurt that wells up inside her. “I...tell me about it, Chlo,” she says, fixing a peaceful smile on her face.

 _I want to kiss you so badly_.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for days now,” Chloe complains, relaxing a bit before Beca’s eyes. “You’ve been so hard to get a hold of.”

“Here I am,” Beca promises in a tone that in no way reflects the unfamiliar crushing sensation in her chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It’s all true.

She would never be able to leave Chloe Beale if she tried.

(She was never trying that hard anyway.)

* * *

The day before the track team meeting—the day after Chloe’s revelation—Beca ends up in her room again.

_**1 day away—track practice/tryouts** _

She frowns at her phone before tossing it aside and staring placidly at her ceiling. Somewhere downstairs, she hears her mother getting ready for work and perhaps the half-hearted muffled attempt at a goodbye if she listens hard enough.

She stopped trying to listen when it became clear that the muffled goodbye was all she would ever get.

( _All she deserved_ , she thinks.)

She wonders if there’s something off with her. Internally. Or externally.

She didn’t end up feeling all the usual things girls her age usually felt. She ended up developing a big unreciprocated crush on her best friend.

And Beca knows as much as the next person that representation is more and more poignant and significant in media, but she still feels a small degree of shame. A small degree of anxiety.

She doesn’t even know how to broach the topic with Chloe. She knows how much of a disaster that conversation would go.

_I think I might be interested in women._

_Oh? That’s amazing, Bec!_ Of course Chloe would be the most supportive person on the planet—Beca has no doubts about that. Just— _What made you realize that?_ Chloe would ask. Because she has to know. She’d want to help Beca in whatever way she could. She’d want to set Beca up. She’d want to _help_ because she cares that much.

And what would Beca say to that? What _could_ she say?

 _You,_ she could say. _You, always you_.

She doesn’t let herself think past that.

Instead, she drifts to the various Google search results she has pulled up and all the ways in which she could just be _wrong_. She could just be going through a phase.

It’s just Chloe, sending all her thoughts into a tailspin.

But it’s the other results that linger most—the ones that tell her that everything she feels is valid. Everything is true.

Nothing needs to change.

 _It’s not a phase_.

* * *

It’s almost too easy with Josh. Beca might have zero experience with high school boys, but if media has taught her anything, it’s that they’re ridiculously easy to charm.

Some more than others.

The thing about Josh is that he’s cute and confident. And he seems to genuinely _like_ Beca with more than just getting into her pants on his mind, though she’s certain that’s still a factor.

It’s kind of easy being with him too—easy just hanging out, easy to brush her hand across her shoulders like the movies said she should do, easy to just tuck her hair behind her ears like she had seen Chloe do countless times, easy to smile in the same way Chloe had once said made her eyes shine.

Whatever that meant.

It’s the beginning of July and summer already feels like it’s slipping away. They’re all going to be back in school in two months and Beca knows this is her chance. Everybody is antsy about transitioning into the new grade, without the pressure of freshman year looming over them.

Beca knows that their lives are changing in more ways than one. It’s time.

If Chloe can throw herself into her first kiss, Beca can too. She knows she can.

That’s why it’s so easy with Josh. He wants it as much as she does.

“Just get it over with,” Beca mutters to herself as she exits the locker room. Josh is waiting for her by the entrance to the school. They’ve been hanging out—not dating or anything, just hanging out—for the past couple of weeks before and after track practice. Beca is fairly confident she’s going to make the team again and get that coveted long-distance position. It helps that Josh is there and going about his own goals with a drive that is appealing to Beca.

 _Not like Chloe, though_ , her mind tells her traitorously.

She ignores it.

“Ready?” Josh asks. It’s a bright Tuesday afternoon and he had suggested going to the movies. Beca can’t fathom a more boring outing, sitting in the darkness doing and saying nothing, but she’s heard through the track grapevine that Josh is more than interested in her.

Beca forces a smile at the thought. “Ready.”

* * *

She isn’t ready.

She knew she wasn’t.

It feels like she’s tripping and stumbling all the way with no end in sight.

Josh does try to kiss her. In fact, he gets impossibly close.

Beca is surprisingly fixated on the screen because the movie is interesting and riveting. She makes a mental note to ask if Chloe wants to watch it with her again. It’s something they can both laugh about.

It’s why she doesn’t notice the way Josh’s arm slides around her shoulder until she’s pressed right against his side and she startles, sucking in a breath.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, breath hot against her cheek.

She forces herself to turn towards him.

She can see the outline of his face in the dark, illuminated by the lights on screen. The ends of his hair are illuminated too, with errant flyaway strands sticking up attractively she supposes. She’s supposed to find these things attractive—supposed to enjoy his messy, adorable look. It’s what girls like her like, usually.

 _It’s not a phase_ , she screams at herself.

She swallows again, blinking nervously. They’re alone in the theater, it’d be _perfect_ , really.

 _Perfect,_ Beca thinks. She can be perfect.

Chloe already had her first kiss, she can do it too. She can do it—she can push herself into this if she just focuses and tries her best.

Josh doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have to. His eyes flutter—his eyelashes are not as long or perfectly curled as Chloe’s—and she just _knows_ that he’s going to kiss her. His grip around her shoulder tightens and it is in that moment that Beca feels impossibly trapped.

She wants to run.

Quickly, she forces a hand against his chest and pushes him back, shaking her head. “I can’t,” she says quickly, horrified at the way her voice cracks.

To his credit, he pulls back from her, but his arm still remains loosely draped around her shoulder. She longs to shrug it off, but an odd paralyzing fear strikes her then. “What do you mean you can’t?” he asks, sounding more like a petulant boy than a teenager.

“I just can’t, okay?” she says quickly. She musters the strength to shrug his hand off her shoulder.

He scoffs. “What, are you gay or something?”

 _He knows_ , her mind screams at her. _He knows, he knows, he knows—_

But how could he know? Beca had been so careful. She hadn’t stared at Chloe too long—she hadn’t even known herself until just over a month ago. She couldn’t have known, it had snuck up on her, unbidden.

She couldn’t have known.

He can’t know _now_.

“No,” Beca says quickly once a pregnant pause extends between them uncomfortably. “Of course not, I just—”

He shrugs and picks up his jacket. “Well, maybe that’s something you should figure out,” he snarks.

It isn’t necessarily said with disgust or hate, but there are hints of malice and disdain.

Beca feels horrible, like she had just led him on.

“I was just—” she stands up quickly, feeling oddly like a chastised child. “I was just confused about—about us,” she stammers. He can’t tell. He can’t know. “I think we’re better off as friends,” she spouts desperately. She isn’t lying—she does believe that. “I just don’t think I’m ready to…”

“To what?” he demands. The movie plays on without their attention. “It’s just a kiss, Beca. Everybody does it.”

“But—” Tears spring to her eyes. “Where are you going?” she asks instead.

“I’m leaving,” he says, not meeting her eyes.

“Because I didn’t kiss you.”

He shrugs.

“You’re my ride home!”

“Not my problem.”

Beca can’t believe this. Instead of fear, she feels unfamiliar anger well up inside her. “Are you fucking serious?”

* * *

She ends up calling Chloe.

Chloe who really has no business coercing her older brother into driving over to pick her up, but he does anyway.

“Tell me his name,” Chloe says in a threatening voice the moment Beca slides into the backseat. Chloe whirls in her seat to glare at Beca. “I’ll kill him.”

Chloe’s brother snorts, but says nothing else.

“He was just upset,” Beca says quietly, embarrassed above all else. “And it was Josh,” she says hastily. “We’re friends,” she tacks on in hopes of lessening the fire in Chloe’s eyes.

“He just left you there!” Chloe exclaims, looking increasingly infuriated by the second. “What kind of friend does that?”

“I don’t think we’re friends,” Beca murmurs before she can stop herself. “Not anymore at least.”

Chloe’s gaze softens. A flash of hurt and betrayal slip across her eyes as she clearly realizes that this is new information. Like she has realized that Beca has been engaging in something behind her back, which in a sense, she has. Chloe was never supposed to find out this way. “What happened?” Chloe asks gently.

“He just…” Beca clears her throat. “He tried to kiss me and I said no.”

“What?” Chloe asks with a sharp inhale. Her eyes seem to burn more furiously, but she does not ask why. Indignation and sharp concern radiate from her in waves.

In all honesty, Beca is long past thinking about the kiss that never happened—the kiss that never should have been en route to happening to begin with.

There are other pressing matters.

Like how she’s trying her best not to think about how blue Chloe’s eyes look then; like how sitting in Chloe’s brother’s car makes her feel the safest she’s ever felt; like how all she wants .

How much she’d rather spend time chatting with Chloe in the car than in a movie with a guy who doesn’t even want to give her the time of day.

Again, unbidden—

_I want to kiss you._

This time, Beca lets the thought float through her with quiet resignation.

A part of Beca knows that kissing Chloe isn’t quite a dream that is on the horizon of attainable things at the moment, but the thought isn’t quite so daunting—the thought of liking Chloe, as painful as it is, isn’t something to be afraid of.

It is the thought that follows immediately after—or rather, the series of thoughts—which threaten to compromise Beca’s very notion of comfort and sanity.

_I want to be your girlfriend._

_I want to spend my life with you._

_I can see it, you know?_

_(And softer still, Chloe’s voice in reply if Beca dares to let herself hope and dream: Me too, Bec. I can see it too.)_

Beca swallows and averts her eyes quickly when she realizes Chloe is staring back at her with rapt attention, twisted uncomfortably in the front seat.

“Beca?” Chloe asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Beca rasps, clearing her throat. The car is noticeably tense with the silent air around them. Even Chloe’s brother doesn’t dare to breathe.

“Want to go back to my place and listen to music? I’ll even let you pick.”

Beca smiles gratefully. “Yeah, that’ll be great.”

“And we can plot to kill him,” Chloe tacks on quickly. “I know people.”

The tension snaps immediately as Chloe’s brother snorts. “You’re in _high school_ , nerd.”

Chloe retorts with something quick and acerbic, Beca is aware, but the sound of their bickering slowly begins to fall away. To Beca at least, it is comforting.

Beca lets the muffled sound drift around her like the warmth of sunlight on a beautiful summer day.

She doesn’t need to run from this. Not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks always to chloe who sends me so many hcs that make me cry. find me on [tumblr](http://isthemusictoblame.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/tizzleshizzle).


End file.
